Lessons in Bread-Making

Lesson #1: When you have a lot of time to kill on a cold winter’s day… you can make enough bread to last until spring. If it doesn’t work out, at least you will have the nice aroma of freshly-baked bread permeating your kitchen.

Lesson #2: Don’t expect it to save you any money. Buying a loaf at the grocery store will set you back $2.00 or $3.00, but why buy it when you can make your own for a lot more time, effort, money, and hydro?

Lesson #3: You just can’t rush a good loaf of bread. The more you rush, the worse it gets. Don’t skimp on the kneading or the proofing.

Lesson #4: Read my lips: fermentation is a GOOD thing.

Lesson #5: The “sponge” method is necessary if you are baking with whole grains. (No I am not talking about the object you wash your car with). It is actually really cool and somewhat revolting at the same time. Gets you in sync with nature, and smells vaguely like beer.

Ok, those were some lessons I learned this weekend while engaged in therapeutic kneading activity. I used up a good half-sack of flour and half a jar of active dry yeast, which itself caused some panic because it refused to “foam” at first… So Lesson #6 would be: Always use yeast at room temperature.

I’ve never made bread before and who knows why I decided to fritter away a perfectly good weekend up to my elbows in dough. It was cool, however, to watch the bread rise in the unheated oven (with the oven light on!) because the temperature is pretty much perfect in there for proofing… it kept out the drafts of winter air, seeing as my window was open for a bike trainer session.

And I suppose in the end, all that hard work was justified… or so I thought while chowing down on a baguette fresh from the oven.

In Praise of YakTrax

There’s just nothing like running in the freezing rain: it’s simply incomparable. I’m not sure if the suffering had more to do with plunging through ankle-deep, muddy ice water or with picking my steps—at speed—over sheer ice in the dark. Several times, I had to actually shout “GO!” as I forced myself to splash through the virtual river of water, mud, and indeterminable sludge that was pooling everywhere. Several times I gave a scream (or roar?) as the water soaked through my shoes, up to my calves, numbing my feet instantly, sending sprays of freezing water up my jacket! The alternative was to dodge into the dark and slippery street, snarled with impatient and incredibly pissed-off drivers… what an experience.

I was wearing shorts over water-resistant tights, Gore-Tex socks, a water-resistant jacket, and YakTrax (miracle spikes!)… when I finally arrived home after 15 kilometers of pure torture, the rain had frozen onto my clothes and I was coated in a sheet of ice.

However, I did manage to derive some satisfaction from gloating at the pedestrians who were slipping and sliding all over the sidewalks and streets, barely able to keep upright, and the motorists who actually rubbernecked as I passed them (yes, you read that right!) Sure I’m a crazy woman, but I did some serious character-building that night.

Unwieldy Words for the Decades of Life

According to this rather disheartening Wiki article on aging, there is indeed a way to say "that 50-something in my yoga class can do a better back-bend than I"; or, "I am routinely trounced in the swimming pool by people old enough to be my grandparents"; or, "I, a 27-year-old inflexible mess, cannot touch my toes for a million dollars and a big fat tuna steak".

Pray tell, you say?

Well, I am after all a vicenarian, and will continue as such for the next 3 years, at which time I will become a tricenarian. If all goes well, I will do most of my Ironman pursuits and live through some great adventures before reaching the status of quadragenarian; at which time, burned-out and childless, I will seek solace in the workplace. As a quinquagenarian, perhaps I will re-unite with my inner self and take a yoga class filled with giggly denarians and yuppies of all ages. I can't think up to sexagenarian, and beyond to septuagenarian, octogenarian, and nonagenarian. I'm not sure I'd even want to live that long, and actually I'd rather not think of it.

My great-grandmother, however, was a centenarian. Lastly, a supercentenarian is someone who is unlucky enough to reach 110+ years of age.

Oh sh**, I'm actually only 26. Back up! I'm aging myself!

Government-speak

Recently, I have come to realize that three very "non-words" of Orwelian significance have seeped into my vocabulary. By exposing them here, I entreat my fellow drones to resist the lure of "government-speak" and preserve the integrity of proper English.

“Resourcing”: Verb. The act of determining funding and personnel requirements for a particular business activity. If the English language was to devolve, it would do so first with the poisoning of verbs, so that we would be "leafing" instead of "raking leaves", "fooding" instead of "cooking supper", and "roading" to work, whether we took the car or the bus, rode bicycles or walked.

Replace with:
Budgeting OR
Determining resources for

“Actuals”: Noun, plural. A term used to describe historical data; results that are known. Often used in comparison against “planned” or “budgeted” figures. A lazy way of migrating a perfectly sound adjective into a noun in order to avoid describing the subject.

Replace with:
Actual expenditures OR
Budget vs. Actual

“B.F.”: Verb. Stands for "Bring Forward". To put something on hold, with the intention to revisit closer to a predetermined deadline. In practice, can be indefinite. Also: “B.F.’ed” and “B.F.’ing”. This is a most horrific concoction because it is derived from an acronym: the epitome of "non-word".

Replace with:
Extend deadline for
Put on hold OR
Postpone

Valentine's Stats

Just a few figures to keep your Valentine in perspective:

1. According to the 2003 Ipsos-Reid study ("Tainted Love"), more than 3 in 10 Canadians claim that a partner has cheated on them.
2. Catch-22: 81% feel that Valentine's Day is a whole lot of hype, but 56% will still feel slighted if their partner doesn't make some special effort to recognize it.
3. Glove the Love: STDs soar in the Outaouais

Economics of Sex 102

Last but not least... the final scenario: (first read Economics of Sex 101)

You are in a monogamous relationship and using a non-barrier contraceptive ONLY. Your partner cheats ONE SINGLE TIME, with only a non-barrier contraceptive being used (in the cheating incident).

Cost of sex skyrockets to:
7*0.7+ (0.003*0.982*0.2*300000) + 0.85*(0.102*0.85*350000) + 0.01*(0.12*0.01*2200000)

= $26,001.30

Wow.

Isn't math great?

Happy Valentine's, folks.

Economics of Sex 101

Price of one Lifestyles condom: $0.85
Price of one Trojan condom: $1.03
Price of one non-latex condom: $1.81

Failure rate = 5%

Chances that your randomly-selected, new Canadian partner:
Is fertile: 98.2%
Has an STD, including HPV at 10%, not including HIV/AIDS or Hep B: 10.2%
Has HIV/AIDS: 0.12%

Pregnancy rate for healthy couples: 20%
STD infection rate (depends on disease): 80-90%
Hetero HIV infection rate (varies according to many factors including health status, gender, and sexual preference): 1%

Basic cost of raising a child to age 18: $200,000 in today’s dollars
Approximate cost of treatment for common STD’s: may or may not be covered by health insurance, varies widely by condition (chromic or curable)
Annual cost of full anti-viral treatment for HIV: up to $10,000

Psychological & emotional costs of not keeping the child, as a function of individual preferences: PV1 = ?
Psychological & emotional costs of living with an STD, undergoing treatment, or experiencing lasting health issues of the same: PV2 = ?
Psychological & emotional costs of living with HIV/AIDS: PV3 = ?
Psychological & emotional costs having a child you are not ready for: PV4 = ?

For the sake of argument, let’s set the psychological and emotional cost equations as follows (answers will vary according to values and preferences): PV1 = $500,000; PV2 = $350,000; PV3 = $2,000,000; PV4 =$200,000.

For HIV/AIDS we will add PV3 to 20 years at $10,000 = $2,200,000
For pregnancy, we will add PV4 to monetary cost = $400,000 total. Since this amount is less costly than the alternative PV1, and only one pregnancy can result from one such incident, we will use the “keeping” child scenario in the probability tree.

Note that all 3 of these outcomes could happen simultaneously, and are basically independent of each other (there is a higher probability of HIV infection given STD infection, for example, but we won’t account for that here):

Therefore, the cost of sex with a new, randomly-selected Canadian partner is:

$1.03 + 0.05*(0.982*0.2*400,000) + 0.05*(0.102*0.85*350,000) + 0.05*(0.12*0.01*2,200,000)

$5,578.28

Seems a bit high? Let’s add the Pill, average cost after insurance $0.70 per day (7-day minimum), with 99% effectiveness to the equation:
$1.03 + 7*0.70+ 0.05*0.01*(0.982*0.2*400,000) + 0.05*(0.102*0.85*350,000) + 0.05*(0.12*0.01*2,200,000)

$1,694.46

I don't know about you, but “Dinner & a Movie” seems to be a more prudent choice.

***Postscript***

Alright, some of you will be up in arms over this. You will argue that you don’t usually have sex with a “randomly selected Canadian about whom you know nothing”. So...

The absolute lowest-cost /risk incidence would be for an experienced condom user (failure rate = 2.5%) whose monogamous partner is also using a contraceptive perfectly (failure rate = 0.3%), and both agree to present a current, clean bill of health. In addition, PV4 may not be as high when a healthy relationship is involved, so I've decreased the "unprepared" cost by $100,000. If theoretical "certainty" existed, the cost equation would be:

$1.03 + 7*0.70+ 0.025*0.003*(0.982*0.2*300,000) = $6.37

With a marginal cost of about $1.03 after t =1 within 24 hours.

BUT, now assume that your partner had cheated ONE SINGLE TIME, given the same protective measures were used:

$6.37+(0.025^2*0.102^2*0.85^2*350000)+(0.025^2*0.12^2*0.01^2*2200000) = $8.02

Cost would increase to $8.02 thereafter. The only way to bring the cost down to baseline $6.37 again would be to insist that your partner be medically re-examined.

*Disclaimer: These PV equations do not represent the personal opinion of the author. This is an over-simplification of the risks and costs involved in one sexual encounter with a new partner. Costs, rates and stats are averages and approximations. Real risks and probabilities will vary by gender, age, sexual preference, and other factors. This is not intended to be health advice. Always practice safer sex.

Bikes & Dijks

Yesterday I didn’t even bother to get dressed; I just spent the entire day at the computer, planning my itinerary for the Netherlands and doing so much research that my head is still spinning. I managed to get a 12k run in before bed, make my monthly phone call to the folks (who are leaving for the Dominican tomorrow morning… will wonders never cease??), and that was Sunday down the drain.

Apparently my great-uncle lives in a town called Veenvouden in Friesland. I don’t know how much about it, or even the population, but it is situated along the train tracks so it is definitely connected to the main urban areas (approximately 2.5 hours / 35 Euros from Amsterdam by train). A daytime excursion from there to Leuwaarden or Groningen would be quite feasible. I suspect that my dad would be delighted if I also made it to Workum (an old shipping village 2km inland along the Ijselmeer, where my family name is said to have originated) and took oodles of pictures, but I’m not sure we can—or would want to—hit every rural area in that vast marshland (!) When I delicately queried my father on the paucity of hostels and other accommodations in northern Friesland, he said: “That’s because it’s basically a muddy backwater”.

Straight from the horse’s mouth!

I read a lot about the history of the Netherlands (specifically, water management, wartime reparations, and architectural and agricultural developments), as well as the cultural significance of its various regions… and there is much more to learn. I knew that my grandparents had come to Canada on emigrant ships in the early 1950’s, and that the Dutch government was encouraging emigration at the time… but for reasons unfathomable until now. As I read through pages of Dutch history, I began to get a sense of the devastation of WWII and the despair that many citizens must have felt after the bombs finally stopped raining on their beloved country. Reading about the destruction of the city of Arnhem was especially saddening, as was how Nazi Germany used the Netherlands’ ports and cities to help wage their horrific monstrosities against humankind. At that time, my paternal grandparents were active in the underground, and my maternal grandparents managed to survive the occupation in Meedenblik (where my grandfather was once stopped and questioned by German soldiers who thought he was using Morse code to signal to the Allies, when in reality he was testing his bicycle light).

The terror of the German occupation, the massive destruction of history and infrastructure with Allied bombs, and the economic devastation which loomed over a people not quite recovered from the ravages of the Great Depression… when my grandparents looked around at the country they knew and loved, that crazy country of polders reclaimed from the sea with dijks, and saw it had been raped and pillaged by careless and inhumane warriors, and that the future seemed dismal… perhaps I can understand their choice to take their young families to Canada for the chance at a better life.

It was saddening, I just can’t explain.

Progress Report on the New Year's Goals

A quick status update:

As for doubling my "Net Worth", January got off on shaky footing, with a net loss of $24.00. I'm currently scrabbling to calculate what kind of RSP contribution top-up I can make before month-end. ING dropped their regular savings rates by 0.1% and that added insult to injury. Stay tuned.

However, progress on the "Travel at least once out of the country" goal was great, with all flights purchased (Ottawa-London, London-Cork, Dublin-Amsterdam, Amsterdam-London, London-Ottawa) and... drumroll please... my passport came in last week by ExpressPost. I also booked the time off work. Next step: travel insurance.

The athletic goals are coming along slower than expected... I've ditched my Garmin for the winter because it's too depressing. I'm back on the trainer 3x per week and it's pretty darn hard at that. Doing my best with swimming, but it's hard to forget that 15 months previous, I was blowing bubbles and learning how to float. It shows, too!

And for my unnamed goals, well... rumour has it that things may be looking up...!